Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Sassy Fairy Godmother's Quips and Wisdom for Mortals... Fun Fiction

A Fairy Godmother Is...

Part 1

Being a Fairy Godmother is not at all like the infamous Fairy Tales you've been tricked by. A Fairy Godmother's job can be grimy, life threatening, make you cuss (not just in spells..) and we are not always decked out in a sparkly dress, high heels, or a huge, obnoxious tiara. I wonder if these story tellers (liars) inhaled too much pixie dust to think that an outfit like that would really be convenient for what we need to do?

A Fairy Godmother actually wears running shoes, a good pair of skinny jeans (and we have spells so we can get into them no matter what our size) vintage T with wings on the back because we need them somewhere as always having them out really gets in the way, and a large Vera Bradley tote bag (and yes it has to be Vera Bradley because that is just the way it is..we like bright patterns) to keep our iPhone in and other treasures. Most of use even make magic apps to use like the Insensitive Boyfriend touch of the button and they do vanish..for all eternity. No one is quite sure of their location but it doesn't matter. Then there is our glitter lipgloss which is to be expected, oil face blotters, bronzer, shimmer eye shadow and other enchanted items that are made to appear as one thing (take for instance our mascara is actually a wand....get has a wand so it makes sense to disguise it as that.....).

Oh yes, we Fairy Godmothers are modern, chic, and hip...well some of us. Some are more traditional and would never dare wear pants or not wear their crown. They're are also cliques, more gossip than those celebrity rags which are fairy tales and Vengeful Fairy Godmother's...which is not to be seen as a negative. I will get into that a bit later.

I happen to be known far and wide in the magical realms for my sass. It's not something I'm afraid to use anymore.

*Stand up to a jerky, self-centered wizard..I do that often and will continue to do so. They aren't that hot...Check.

*Turn men into actual toads that act like that beforehand..yes please.

*Make a dragon apologize for rude manners when they burp in my face...

Sass is Class if done without acting too much like an A**. That is my mantra..I actually have a shirt I wear that says just that.

You may be going um..why would a Fairy Godmother want to tell a human this and how can it apply to life in the mortal layer?

Firstly, I'm retiring at the old age of 28..yes, it's much like a career of a model (having to deal with rich warlocks is one thing we have in common.) You start when you're young. I began studying for my Fairy Godmother doctrate at 12 and finally got my degree just 3 years the implications that Fairy Godmother have such a fun job can be true but we work hard to get those privileges . You leave when your wings are fully grown and look their best. Although I will confide that some godmothers use anti-sagging cream to keep their wings perky and young. I just drink green tea.

Secondly, I've lived in  a world much foreign from yours but things can  mirror from our realm to yours and vice versa more so than you could ever fathom.

I wish and hope these incantations and other tidbits help you along the way.

 If not than that's okay. I don't care if you approve of my writings or not.

As always with anything of the magical kind use with caution and laugh often.

PPS Just because we have wands and magic doesn't mean we are lazy or don't lift a finger...and yes we can also use our fingers as wands but that wasn't the point. We enjoy what we have but also remember to be modest....there are ethical codes we must follow..but as you already know that doesn't always happen. Wink, wink.

Love, Sassy Fairy Godmother

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